Devoted Football Fan Gifts

"He was always a thug... but he used to be our thug."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Punt Cake

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Football

Raheem Sterling

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Bears

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Uptight End"

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"