Cubs Fan Gifts

Omara Portuondo

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Think of me as the designated sitter."

Vendor selling testosterone.

Sheltering in place.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"Try letting the ball come to you."

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Monster Baseball

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

"Got him up at the stadium, Chief. It was Yankee Duck Day."

'Is that the look of love or the look of hearing a home run on your bluetooth?'

Baseball.

Breakfast surreal.

"Billy the Kid's in town!"

"Easy on the fast balls, will you, kid?"

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'

'He's not a skilled pitcher. In fact, he throws like a nerd...'

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

'Watch out, Dewey! Cow pie!'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'