Die-hard Cubs Fan Pillows

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

No Baseball

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

"Goal!"

Sheltering in place.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'

Breakfast surreal.

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

'Is that the look of love or the look of hearing a home run on your bluetooth?'

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

"Dear, there's someone here to collect your soul."

'I am beginning my windup now. ... Drum roll, please.'

'Give us another minute, blue. The surgeon just reattached the tendon and he's closing up.'

Ahhh, spring baseball.

Sign Him.

For Joe Ninth, 2 out, bases loaded, finally innings, scores tied, this was his moment.

'Talk to my lawyer.'

"Yin and Yankee fan"

"And for a left-handed designated hitter and a player to be named later, Mr. Steinbrenner would gladly fly Elián home."

'...I mean, kicked out of the game is serious, but kicked off the planet?'

Successful Baseball Teams Rely on a Good Pharm System.

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."