Diagnosis With Cancer Gifts

The Eight Original Dwarves

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Our war is against cancer."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Prostate: 51st State

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

Female chemotherapy warrior.

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

"We're going to beat this thing apart."

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

Surprise Party

'Nurse! With this chemo cocktail, get me some mixed nuts and pretzels!'

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

Free radicals.