Oncologist Gifts

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"You've got six months, but with aggressive treatment we can help make that seem much longer."

Doctor to man: 'We've found a mass. The good news is we have weapons of mass destruction.'

"Although it's nothing serious, let's keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't turn into a major lawsuit."

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

'I'd better run some tests... It could be cancer.'

'I gave it a healthy dose of denial, but it didn't help.'

"Hop? Jig? Dance? You're a dancer? Sounds like? Prancer? Cancer? Cancer! I got cancer!"

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

'Funny you should say that...'

"The brain tumor's incurable, but let me give you something for that dandruff."

"Anyhoo, it's malignant."

"Good news, Mrs. Bryant - I think we got it all."

Thanks to your microwave leaking radiation, you are cancer free!'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

"No, I'm an ocologist, as in a cancer doctor. Not an on-call-ogist! Stop calling me!"

'Your years of smoking like a chimney have taken their toll.'

'We're looking for somebody in medical research.'

'Nurse! With this chemo cocktail, get me some mixed nuts and pretzels!'

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"Why do I have all these cell phones? Well, I am an 'on-call-ogist'."

Pied piper.

'That does it. . . Little Freddie is not going to law school! He's going to become an oncologist, Mary a gerontologist and Stevie a pharmacist! We'll be covered!'

'Now, somewhere around here is where moles are created.'

"The tumor's about the size of that lump on your neck."

An Oncologist at work and on days off at home

"Good news, Mrs. Jennings! The lump in your throat isn't cancer, it's from watching a lot of sad movies."

'I'm afraid it's cancer...And not the good kind.'

"Good news! It's only cancer."

"The results show your masculinity to be benign, but let's keep an eye on it."

"You have the most adorable lesions in your lungs."

Tanning Salon vs Skin Cancer Clinic