Clinician Gifts

'Do I know about incontinence? No I never was good at Geography.'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

A woman and a girl are visiting an Osteoporosis Clinic when she pushes on the handle it snaps off

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

"Psychiatric convention"

"You have twenty eight days to live."

"Most of us around the clinic think that thing on your head is pretty cool."

"It burns when I pee."

"Throw in a prostate exam and you've got a deal!"

'I'm not keen on getting any more apps, but I just had to have this one - it takes my unusually neat handwriting and digitally converts it to sloppy doctor writing.'

'Who was that masked man?'

'If you're not sure of the name of a client then check it on the system, don't just shout 'Hey Fatso'.'

'YOU again?'

Arm puncture...

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

Physician tending a mummy.

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"