Clinician Pillows

'Do I know about incontinence? No I never was good at Geography.'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

A woman and a girl are visiting an Osteoporosis Clinic when she pushes on the handle it snaps off

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

"Psychiatric convention"

"You have twenty eight days to live."

"Most of us around the clinic think that thing on your head is pretty cool."

"It burns when I pee."

"Throw in a prostate exam and you've got a deal!"

'I'm not keen on getting any more apps, but I just had to have this one - it takes my unusually neat handwriting and digitally converts it to sloppy doctor writing.'

'Who was that masked man?'

'If you're not sure of the name of a client then check it on the system, don't just shout 'Hey Fatso'.'

'YOU again?'

Arm puncture...

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Physician tending a mummy.

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'