Crafty Clinician Pillows

Needlework for beginners.

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

Onion operation.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

Fly Hospital: "Just a slight stinging then you'll be fast asleep."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

Fish swimming around inside drip.

'You've got lot toe!'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

Nil By Ear

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

"It's cooties."

"Doctor Smith your 12:30 pain in the neck is here."

'He specializes in funny bones.'

'Spin GP'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

"We found traces of conscience, fortunately we caught it early."