Crafty Clinician Pillows

Needlework for beginners.

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

Onion operation.

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

Fly Hospital: "Just a slight stinging then you'll be fast asleep."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

Surgery Instructions.

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Fish swimming around inside drip.

'You've got lot toe!'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

Nil By Ear

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

"It's cooties."

"Doctor Smith your 12:30 pain in the neck is here."

'He specializes in funny bones.'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

'Spin GP'

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'