Crafty Doctor Pillows

Surgeon sewing tips.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

Surgery Instructions.

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Quick! 5-second rule!

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"I can't find the instructions."

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"Dad! Color inside the lines!"

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'And you all thought I didn't have a hobby.'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'

"And now a special report from 'News 4' Science Editor, Dr. Frank Lovell, on how to remove your own gallbladder."

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"It's cooties."

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'