Medic With A Twist Pillows

"Open Wide and say, 'aaaaa-men'!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Onion operation.

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

Fish swimming around inside drip.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

Doctors Without Borders/Lawyers Without Scruples...

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

"It's cooties."

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"...that's the way, aha aha I like it, aha aha....!"

'I believe one of the doctors here practices alternative medicine.'

'You wanted a second opinion?'

'He specializes in funny bones.'

'You're not my usual doctor.'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

'Spin GP'

Dr Dinaram Cardiology: Hurt Feelings and Broken Hearts

"First one to peek pays the other's malpractice premiums for the year."

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'