Diagnosis With Alzheimer's Gifts

"Did you say you've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. . . I'd forget about it!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"I don't know who you are!"

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'Luckily he has dementia so he's go some imaginary friends coming in to look after him.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

Surprise Party

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"He's in a comma."

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

"You're prediabetic. I can't help you unless you decide to eat less sugar - or more sugar."

"I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I'm worried that I might be dead."