Self-diagnosis Skeptics Gifts

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent 11 years studying medicine when your research online seems to have identified your condition...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

New from Low-Key Press.

"We'll up your medication and with any luck your delusions should significantly reduce!"

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

Live, laugh, love

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

Myth Diagnosis

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

Older cousin press

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

'Self-help books for cynics'

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'