Self-diagnosis Gifts

'Don't believe everything you read on the net.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I'm worried that I might be dead."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again.'

"I've searched every book, also the internet, so in desperation. . . I've come to see you, doctor."

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and I think I've got bovine spongiform encephalitis."

Maybe you have cancer. - 'Why would I have cancer?' - 'Why would you not have cancer?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Maybe I have cancer.' - '' -

"I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac sucking up scarce resources with my imaginary ailments....but I thought I'd come in and get a second opinion."

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

Leave your troubles in the bubbles

Window Treatment

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

So You've Cloned Yourself

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"You'll get over him."

Surprise Party

Man looking down long telescope at himself.

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'Your sugar level is off the chart. Don't worry. We'll whip you back into shape in no time.'

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"