Diagnosis Of Alzheimer's Gifts

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"I don't know who you are!"

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Prostate: 51st State

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

'Luckily he has dementia so he's go some imaginary friends coming in to look after him.'

"We're going to beat this thing apart."

Bedside Manna.

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

Surprise Party

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'Your sugar level is off the chart. Don't worry. We'll whip you back into shape in no time.'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

"Good news! It's only cancer."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

"Hop? Jig? Dance? You're a dancer? Sounds like? Prancer? Cancer? Cancer! I got cancer!"

"I've tricked all my squirmy patients into staying still by telling them we're doing the mannequin challenge."

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"You have high blood pressure