Diagnosis With Alzheimer's Prints

"Did you say you've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. . . I'd forget about it!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"I don't know who you are!"

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

'Luckily he has dementia so he's go some imaginary friends coming in to look after him.'

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

Surprise Party

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

'Your sugar level is off the chart. Don't worry. We'll whip you back into shape in no time.'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

"He's in a comma."

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"You're prediabetic. I can't help you unless you decide to eat less sugar - or more sugar."