Successful Diagnosis Prints

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'Good luck with your exams' (mountain climbers).

"What - you got As in Maths, Nature, Science and English? Son, haven't you watched the news or looked online - if you want to succeed nowadays you have to be dumb as dirt!"

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

Bedside Manna.

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

Surprise Party

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."