Devilish Humor Lovers Pillows

'I'm happy to announce that the international society of child-pageant parents will be relocating here next year.'

'I'm here for identity theft.'

"Look. . . I know that you think I'm a idiot, but I'm not a complete idiot!"

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Pastries and Candy

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Any references?"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Meowlzebub

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

Going Down?

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

'Do you have it in black?'

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

The Doll's afternoon tea party had taken an unexpected ad dramatic turn.

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

Bat out of Hell

'Then someone hit on the idea of selling our torture devices to fitness centers.'

"The 'Ex' huh?"

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Be my Valentine?'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

"Why don't you take off early today? Don't forget to pack up your desk...."

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"Hi, I'm Hugo -- I'll be your compliance officer."

Publish and Be Damned

'Just out of curiosity, do you have a best case scenario?'

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'