Devilish Humor Appreciator Pillows

"Haven't you heard? Only the good die young."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

He looks so natural lying there...

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

I crawled out of a toilet and ate a guy. Say my name 3 times in a mirror. I dare you. No one suspects I'm Slenderman. She took me home. Then she woke up in a tub of ice missing a kidney. Urban Legends-in-Their-Own-Minds.

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Cheating Death.

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

Going Down?

Meowlzebub

Was the Illuminati - now the Illuminasty

"Any references?"

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'I've got it made in the shade. What worries me is sunshine.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Existential Risk

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

The Reaper's Arms

"I couldn't finish that book either."

"Do you have a Venus Fly Trap?"

If I tell you what I spy with my little eye, I'll have to kill you.

'The anti-Christ can't pick up a phone?'

"Another clear case of COVID19."

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

'Another Scotch?'

"Have you got any man eating plants?"

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."