Desk Job Survivor Gifts

Umpires filing trays marked 'safe' and 'out'.

'Where should I leave this?'

'How do you know I'm not working?'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

Working hours.

Arnie's career is cut short by a beanball! (man sits at desk).

Woman working on office computer has inbox marked 'Input' and outbox marked 'Delete'.

Not Responsible for Anything

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?"

"Accounting has calculated how much we've paid you compared to how much work you've done. You owe the company $53,972."

When paperwork attacks.

Job Bored

Leaving Office With In Tray

"Your's is a thankless job so you can't be expected to be compensated."

"I consider your opinion most valuable when you don't express it."

Bureaucratic Procedures

"And by 'priority', I mean close the Solitaire game immediately."

Press Office.

'If this is really Heaven, why do you have a desk job?'

"And then he turned the tranquilizer gun on himself."

'We gave your chair to another employee, Larson, because you spent so little time in it.'

Simplify your life

Office worker at desk with desk trays that say 'Pre-Coffee,' and 'Post-Coffee'

Spam in inbox.

I'm absolutely worn out. I've been unloading pig-iron all day.

"I don't want to say my job is inconsequential, but most of the paperwork I deal with is shredded before it gets to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Information. Innuendo

"Why hasn't all this stuff been knocked off my desk already?!"

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"I feel your pain."