Designated Drivers Pillows

'No thanks. I don't drink when I'm driving home a point.'

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

Boozing and Cruising

Vicar's driving lesson "Here endeth the first lesson!"

Route 666.

'When I drink, I don't drive my car.'

Heavy Traffic.

"I'm the designated driver."

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

'I'm drinking, you're driving - how come you're so happy?'

"Darling, I'll drive tonight so that you can have a drink..."

For every dog who gets the window seat, there's Steve, the designated driver.

"Thank goodness for rear-engine cars!"

Gas eyedropper.

'Another short-cut, dear?'

No Car Bar.

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

"It's O.K., I've got his car keys."

'Now that Sir has approved the wine, would Madam care to taste the water?'

I've stopped you so often I've decided to give you a season ticket!

GPS: 'Sorry return to the main road.'

Gas bar, Full service/Self-serving tightwads

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

How was my emergency stop?

'Now I know why this Satnav was going out cheap.'

Nerds night out: 'Dibs on Designated Driver.'

"Just accept the ticket and let's go. The hot dog's getting cold."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

"Dry cleaning, pet store, Salvation Army - I'd be lost without my stickies on the dash!"

'Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?'

Baby kangaroo has a seatbelt on.

"Customers without designated drivers must be wearing clean underwear."

Parking

Smelling Salts at the Petrol Station.

"No designated driver for me. My last one committed road rage!"