Denial Decoder Gifts

Turtle Hat

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Sportswasher's

'I sense this may not be a one-way journey.'

Information vs. confusion

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

"How long do you think we'll get away with it?"

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'He's one of those genetically-altered antibodies.'

"Yes, human DNA is very close to ours, but obviously, they're missing the nucleotide necessary for caring for the environment. . ."

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"We can address the underlying problems ... or ... you can keep your head in the sand."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

"I can't stand reality. What makes you think I'll enjoy it virtually?"

'LIAR!'

"I sure do have a family. There's my wife's DNA and my kid's DNA."

"Has it occurred to you that you occasionally feign a lack of understanding?" "What the hell does that mean?"

Gin-etic Engineering

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Leave the lights burning when you go home. Pass it on."

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

'You needn't worry about confidentiality. Your medical records were carefully transferred to computer and accidently trashed.'

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"This is my voice mail."