Denial Detective Gifts

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Dang it! My pants must've shrunk in the dryer. . . Ok. . . who's responsible for shrinking all of my slacks?!!'

"I don't care how many sets of bathroom scales I've returned to you. This one's defective too!"

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Tee-Hee! Working like a charm!"

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

"It's a setup."

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"We can address the underlying problems ... or ... you can keep your head in the sand."

"See...polystyrene!"

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"We need to talk about procrastination."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"You arrive early, You work hard, You stay focused. What's your game?"

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

It isn't just the media that's biased...often the voters are too.

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

"They're not home.."