Denial Decoder Pillows

"See what I mean?"

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Turtle Hat

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

Sportswasher's

'I sense this may not be a one-way journey.'

Information vs. confusion

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

"How long do you think we'll get away with it?"

"Yes, human DNA is very close to ours, but obviously, they're missing the nucleotide necessary for caring for the environment. . ."

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'He's one of those genetically-altered antibodies.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"We can address the underlying problems ... or ... you can keep your head in the sand."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

DNA explained.

"I can't stand reality. What makes you think I'll enjoy it virtually?"

Gin-etic Engineering

"Leave the lights burning when you go home. Pass it on."

"Has it occurred to you that you occasionally feign a lack of understanding?" "What the hell does that mean?"

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'LIAR!'

"I sure do have a family. There's my wife's DNA and my kid's DNA."

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

'You needn't worry about confidentiality. Your medical records were carefully transferred to computer and accidently trashed.'

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Dang it! My pants must've shrunk in the dryer. . . Ok. . . who's responsible for shrinking all of my slacks?!!'

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'