Denial Wizard Pillows

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"We're looking for an accountant who can use ChatGPT creatively."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Sports Radio in Crisis

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

I can record our game. Big deal. Mine can get everyone's stats plus find sales on bats and gloves. Wow! It does everything! Teddy! Except catch the ball. Isn't there an app for that?

Computer whisperer.

"We can address the underlying problems ... or ... you can keep your head in the sand."

Headless Horserider uses a computer

P.C. in the Stone

"We may have to try search engine optimisation."

"And she's an interesting conversationalist, too."

The Town Tweeter

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

'You sure you've got Photoshop experiance.'

'It's amazing how big your office feels when you go paperless.'

"If only you could do this in real life..."

'No way can I guard this guy! He's playing like he's possessed!'

Internet Marketing Inc. Try E.J.'s Bistro for lunch! The pop-ups made getting to work a real pain.

'LIAR!'

"Has it occurred to you that you occasionally feign a lack of understanding?" "What the hell does that mean?"

Magician producing the Euro

"Kazakov is employing the rare 'Mr. Castle and Horsey go on an adventure' defense."

"Stop tearing around in here and go play online."

Newspapers.

This is great, Ernie! Photoshopping pictures is a lot easier than dieting!

Scottish Dialect

Motion denied. Your lips say "motion denied," but your eyes say "approach the bench."

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Dang it! My pants must've shrunk in the dryer. . . Ok. . . who's responsible for shrinking all of my slacks?!!'