Denial Artist Pillows

'I'm not going to get ill, I'm not going to get ill. . . cough. . . dammit!'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"What are they saying this week? Are coffee, chocolate, and wine good or bad for us?"

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"We can address the underlying problems ... or ... you can keep your head in the sand."

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Pretending To Care

'Forget the artwork who made the martinis?!'

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

"Has it occurred to you that you occasionally feign a lack of understanding?" "What the hell does that mean?"

'LIAR!'

"Excuse me, your honor. If you could just give us a few minutes, my client would like to pitch some time shares to the jury real quick."

'Convention time in the liar's club.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Dang it! My pants must've shrunk in the dryer. . . Ok. . . who's responsible for shrinking all of my slacks?!!'

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

" No, I'm not concerned about my weight...why worry about something you can't see?"

P.T. Barnum as a child.

Reality, and lots of it!

Dobbson's False Doorway Company A man has walked into an actual painted Trompe l'oeil False Doorway and has got knocked out .

'I quit my job because I'm coming into money. Yep, I'm 4-6 weeks away from several rebate checks arriving.'

'You're howling off key again!'

Man Crossing His Fingers Behind Back At Interview

"Good heavens no, I haven't always been a monarch! I started as a confidence trickster."

The 42nd annual City marathon (a guy in a car waiting for the start).

'If I can't put her out of her misery, at least I can put myself out of mine.'

"He's running late this morning. He unexpectedly snapped out of denial."

"More ruddy training. . . As if I haven't got enough to do!"

"See what I mean?"