Diagnosis Decoder Pillows

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Complexity Made Simple.

DIY horror.

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'People who can read Venn diagrams...'

Information vs. confusion

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

"Well, you helped me with my initial health issue, but now I've got headaches from dealing with billing and insurance!"

'You needn't worry about confidentiality. Your medical records were carefully transferred to computer and accidently trashed.'

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

"This is my voice mail."

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'

'No, no, no...that's far too legible. Shakier. Much shakier!'

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

Marooned Optometrist

"I would be bilingual if you were bilingual!"

'It's from the bloke on the other island. It reads; Help. I'm stranded on a desert island.'

Text/Subtext Message

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

'have you ever taken a good look at your paycheck stub? There's one area for what we get and ten different areas for what somebody else gets.'