Delightfully Snobby Gifts

'She's so posh, she can make her wind sound like Verdi's 'Requiem'.'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

Gallery Guide

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

"Mind wiping that scanner first? There's no telling whose stuff has been dragged over it."

"A little bit less television, a little bit more books on tape. What's your New Year's resolution?

" ..graduated with honours, great job, beautiful wife, great kids.. Sure we've all got a sad story to tell."

Fiction book sales.

The rivalry between the Hamptons and Cape Code spills over.

"Lady, I didn't go to barista school just to serve you black coffee."

"It's a bit highbrow for my taste!"

'Great Books' 'Good Books' 'Trash'

"The city life isn't for everyone, so my second house is in the Hamptons."

"I didn't spend $5.6 million on this place to get involved with the damn sunsets over New Jersey."

"Regift the bicycle, Charles, but put this in my Panama pile."

Airport Literature

"Excellent, but not fit for a king."

"Sorry, Pembroke, but Telford here is lavishly illustrated."

'Black dots indicate actual creative involvement.'

'They're nice, but do you really expect me to drink my imported Merlot from domestic Merlot glasses?'