Defence Attorney Gifts

"Mr. Columbus simply 'discovered' her purse."

"It won't be the first time I've had one as an opposing attorney."

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

"My client wants a deal. A reduced sentence and a guarantee that an A-list actor will portray him in a biopic."

'Your Honour, chewing bones is my clients' nature. It's not his fault that some bones are inside of human bodies.'

'I know I told you that I had twenty five tears experience, but not as a lawyer.'

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

I love Lawyers

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."