Attorney Gifts

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"Look, I'm not saying it's going to be today. But someday - someday - you guys will be happy that you've taken along a lawyer."

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse." "I didn't know that, either..."

"You have a pretty good case, Mr. Pitkin. How much justice can you afford?"

"I'll work on the appeal. You try to escape."

'No, I said 'paralegals'.'

"I understand you're some fancy pants lawyer."

"You can't plead cute."

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

'A career? A life? Isn't that a conflict of interest?'

"I made partner!"

"Could my client be innocent? Probably not. My point is it's interesting to think about."

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'This is your lucky day!'

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

"Are you telling me that just because something is against the law, that makes it illegal?"

"You look great for someone who's just come through two years of litigation."

"Ladies and gentlemen, is there a bankruptcy attorney on board?"

"If you want justice, it's two hundred dollars an hour. Obstruction of justice runs a bit more."

'...They were on the verge of working out the problem themselves.'

'They presented us with an ironclad contract that we were able to totally reinterpret.'

"Objection, leading the witness."

"I may be a jackal-headed god of the underworld, Janet, but I'm also your lawyer."

"Honesty is the best policy, Fernbaugh, but it's not company policy."

'Okay, Simms, we have a verbal agreement, but I'd like my lawyer to check it.'

'This contract proposal needs more work. I'm not experiencing any twinges of guilt over it.'

"Who's up for archery waivers?"

'The hair-raising twists and turns, the mystery, numbing assault on the mind...THAT'S why I love tax law!'

'We never should have brought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious and arbitrary.'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"I'd like to have myself declared legally blonde."

'Location, location, location! If we had law offices on Mars, we would have twice as many billable hours a day.'