Defense Attorney Gifts

"I see. And precisely what methods did you use to determine that my client was a 'bad boy'?"

"I'll work on the appeal. You try to escape."

"Come now, give the system a chance."

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

"Here are your choices. You can plead guilty."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"'Is it right? ... Is it fair?' Get a grip Carlton - we're a law firm!"

Hearsay evidence.

"Don't make me come down there."

"You're going to do time, but I'm trying to get it in dog years."

"Your innermost feelings are fascinating, but remember, I'm your attorney."

Lawsuits

"Oh-oh, we're in trouble!"

"I find in these cases that the best defense is a pack of lies."

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

He was good. Real good.

"You don't have to answer that."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Is that your plea...to err is human?'

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"You're doing fine. A little more perjury and you'll be out of the woods."

"Yes, that's him there. The fellow making the finger-across-the-throat gesture."

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

With a sickening jolt, Mel realized the awful truth: he was being defended by a pair of court-appointed light-weights, against the sharpest prosecutors in the county.

I know your sign says you guys 'Practice Law'. But , I kinda need someone who can do it for real.

"I'm not a lawyer. I'm just drafting."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, say hi to my client."

I'm a defense attorney and this clown is our consultant in the event the case becomes a media circus.

"Here's my card, sweetie. I also happen to do a bit of lawyering on the side."

"This, ladies and gentlemen, is Exhibit A, the sneakers that urged my client to Just Do It."

At the Court House Cafeteria the Special of the Day is 'Due Processed Cheese Sandwich with Plea Bargaining Chips.'

"Plead insanity, are you crazy?"