Defense Attorneys Gifts

"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. After that, law school was pretty much a given."

"So, before passing judgment, please consider that science now shows that the male brain is not fully developed until never."

"My clients object to the term 'hit men.' They like to think of themselves as a well-regulated militia."

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

I love Lawyers

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'