Criminal Defense Lawyer Gifts

"It looks bad, boss - they got your DNA off an old tennis ball."

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

"Suspicion?. . . Of what?"

"If you'd like I could throw a few criminals your way."

'I need a lawyer who specializes in guilty people.'

"And this one is for a recent felony indictment."

'...And in the blue corner after a long layoff...'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

'Asking for a lawyer was a good move. You can't outsmart the cops by yourself.' (Lawyer is a puppet being operated by policeman).

'Just let it drip! -- One more sniff and I'll kick the living daylights out of you!'

Bye bye fly...

"When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking"

"Yes, I appreciate the fact that you need a good criminal defence lawyer. Unfortunately, I'm the person you mugged!"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"We make crime pay."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Free speech isn't cheap!

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."