Criminal Lawyers Gifts

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

'Are you sure that's the man who killed your husband Mrs.Mahoney?'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so I'm sentencing you to twenty years in Detroit.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Violent Crime Statistics

Good Cop, Annoying Kid.

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.