Attorneys Gifts

Lawyer lists his billable hours on tombstone.

"Your Honor, the state has every reason to consider the defendant an extremely high flight risk."

'Enough of this bickering! let's just do it alphabetically.'

Opting for Chinese food for lunch, the law partners decide in principle to share their dishes and, accordingly, before ordering, negotiate a comprehensive pre-victual agreement.

Imitate me, formerly 'Think'.

'all of you, except a party named 'Fido', may now leave.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'If a person falls in a department store and there's no one around to see it, do you still have a lawsuit?'

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

'We object to the term 'snail mail'.'

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

"Before counsel make their final summations, we're going to take some calls from across the country."

'So you admit you excluded my client from Reindeer games.'

"I think I understand the mumbo, but can we go over the jumbo one more time?"

Lopsided Meeting

The annual running of the lawyers.

'Your honor, I move that we have a change of venue. Pretrial publicity has made it impossible for us to get high ratings in this county.'

'Where's that hotshot lawyer when i really need him!'

'The dog isn't qualified so we'll be billing his hours at half the usual rate.'

Lawyer to fellow lawyer: 'Congratulations on your precedent-setting mumbo jumbo!'

"It's great to see things getting back to normal… new yorkers suing new yorkers."

"If you settle I want have the pleasure of squashing them in a court of law, but I can live with that."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Hold up everyone. I read that last part wrong. She wants you to divide the 'cash' equally.'

"I have to get a new guy. My immigration lawyer failed his citizenship test."

O.K. Dokey, Attorney at Law

'Sir, we've been out-loop holed.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'You know your team of expert lawyers? -- they defected.'

'I'm leaving it there as an homage to my attorney.'

"It's called Eunuch-corn syndrome. It happens to all males that join the Trump administration. It's something you'll have to learn to live with Attorney General Barr."

Lawyer, bishop and devils in tub, "If you want to sue God I'm your man."

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"I'm acting as my own attorney, may I act as my own jailer too?"

"Truth in advertising."