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"I see. And precisely what methods did you use to determine that my client was a 'bad boy'?"

"I'll work on the appeal. You try to escape."

"Come now, give the system a chance."

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

"Here are your choices. You can plead guilty."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"'Is it right? ... Is it fair?' Get a grip Carlton - we're a law firm!"

Hearsay evidence.

"Don't make me come down there."

"Your innermost feelings are fascinating, but remember, I'm your attorney."

"You're going to do time, but I'm trying to get it in dog years."

Lawsuits

"I find in these cases that the best defense is a pack of lies."

"Oh-oh, we're in trouble!"

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

"You don't have to answer that."

He was good. Real good.

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Is that your plea...to err is human?'

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"You're doing fine. A little more perjury and you'll be out of the woods."

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"Yes, that's him there. The fellow making the finger-across-the-throat gesture."

"I'm not a lawyer. I'm just drafting."

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

I know your sign says you guys 'Practice Law'. But , I kinda need someone who can do it for real.

With a sickening jolt, Mel realized the awful truth: he was being defended by a pair of court-appointed light-weights, against the sharpest prosecutors in the county.

"Here's my card, sweetie. I also happen to do a bit of lawyering on the side."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, say hi to my client."

I'm a defense attorney and this clown is our consultant in the event the case becomes a media circus.

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

"This, ladies and gentlemen, is Exhibit A, the sneakers that urged my client to Just Do It."