Criminal Defense Attorney T-Shirts

"Great news, Phil! The governor has determined that you don't have a high enough I.Q. to merit execution."

"I'm advising my client not to answer any more questions, or to even make eye contact."

"Change it to, 'not guilty by reason of personal health issues.' Mentioning insanity violates my right to privacy."

Sign on gallow steps; "Watch your step".

'What gets me is that we plea-bargained for all this!'

"And that's how I learned the difference between collaborator and co-conspirator."

"Remember, as your lawyer, anything we discuss is confidential. And if you rat me out, I'll know where to find you."

"The men are excited about getting to shoot a lawyer."

"It was a simple case of mistaken identity. Nobody's fault – I always carry more than one set of ID."

Well, you're busted! Forensics just came back: the bite-marks match your dental records!

"I interpret the death penalty according to the times."

'Why is it always about me?'

'You have a right to a lawyer, not a right to be strip-searched!'

'We're eleven to one. May we borrow the murder weapon?'

'The DNA proves two things: I was guilty, and my lawyer was nuts thinking I wasn't.'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"That's your defense? -- if you hadn't robbed the bank, somebody else would have?"

We have a saying around here. Indict me once, it's my lawyers fault. Indict me twice, it's my fault.

'Be careful! This is a tough school. The debating team has a criminal defense attorney to do the talking for them.'

'The lawyer needs more money for the appeal. He wants to know if you have any more insider information.'

'Okay, I'll tell you why I think you're a lousy lawyer ..They don't even have the death penalty in this state!'

"We both know I did it, but let me see if I can trick the jury!"

The judge not only had a strict definition of "justice," he knew how to use it in a sentence. (Published originally on August 1, 2007.)

Babies look so innocent. The trick is finding a really cranky jury.

Your honor, my client is a very proud man. He's much too proud to confess to murder, and he's much too proud to beg for mercy. However, he's willing to offer the court a non-denial and a rude hand gesture. Where can we go with this?

"If we have unlimited minutes on the weekend, why do we make the ransom call on a Tuesday?"

"You stand accused of multiple thefts of winter bedding. How do you plead?"

Words a criminal defense attorney never wants to hear.

Brewer & Jones: Washington, DC, New York, Attica, Leavenworth, Sing Sing.

"In closing submissions, the defence would like to bring to the court's attention, my client's impressive collection of 'get out of jail' cards."

Good news! I got the charge reduced from pirating music to breaking into song!

"No, you can’t go back to being ‘a person of interest’!"

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'You're a counsel for the defence? Well, then you've got to regard this as an ivestment - if I get caught, I'll hire you!'