Decoration Skeptic Gifts

'It's intimidating that you don't decorate your office.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Teapot

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

"This will look great on our bedroom wall."

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

Sightings reported to Americans for Decency

'A Dust Cow'.

Android with a computer print out as a scarf

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

When the going gets tough the tough gets going...and the rest hide in the washroom and cry.

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

'Well what do you know? There really is plenty of kitsch in the sea!'

Man missing giant shoe, which has been set up as a house.

"We were already in this room—I remember that hideous Renoir."

Santa uses reindeer parts.

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

Completely Useless Kitchen Appliances

'When we said 'One size fits all' we didn't mean all at the same time.'

How to dress for forty below...if you're over forty, or under twenty.

"Is this rubbish?" "I've seen better."

'Is that any way to take down the tree?'

Christmas Star

"Wise up. You and me do not make a ferret craze."

Satan has boxes on his desk labeled "Guilty" and "Guilty".

"What's a polite but firm way of letting them know I don't like modern architecture?"

"No smoking, except in designated Fire and Brimstone areas."

"Stop looking up my skirt you little creep!"

Santa in house sees SandmanJack FrostEaster BunnyTooth Fairy with spare space for Santa Claus.

Gumball Machine Fishbowl

'And this is for couples who, whilst not actively seeking divorce, have agreed to keep apart by two chevrons.'

Gordon suspected the garden gnome didn't like him.