Decoration Detective Gifts

'OK. It's a deal. Find the bulb that doesn't work and you get to see another Christmas.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Painting the Ceiling

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

Non-Drip ?

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I love these old decorations!"

Face Painting.

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Quick, press control Z!'

Redecorating Easter Island.

'I wanted a change in decor.'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

Art Plagiarism

Curtains haberdashery

"Love your feng shui!"

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

Pea green