Decoration Detective Gifts

'OK. It's a deal. Find the bulb that doesn't work and you get to see another Christmas.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

Non-Drip ?

"I love these old decorations!"

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Face Painting.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'Huh. Where'd all my birthday decorations go???'

Redecorating Easter Island.

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

'Quick, press control Z!'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

Art Plagiarism

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

Early cave painters

Pollock Painting Company

"Love your feng shui!"