Decaf Devotee Gifts

'We're sorry we served you caffeinated coffee. Please accept this sleeping pill with the compliments of the management.'

'I'll have the decaf. Twenty-one second graders will provide me with enough stimulation.'

The Decafé

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

One latte, please. Caffeine or not? Whole milk, low-fat or non-fat? Low foam or high? For here or to go? Don't do this before I've had my coffee! Always the conundrum, you see.

"You know, I really am a lot more relaxed since switching to decaf with a shot of vodka."

"Decaf... I distincly ordered DECAF..."

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

Happy Hour

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

You've Had Enough!

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

The Nihilist Deli.

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

IT security.

"He can't be disturbed right now. He's in a meeting with his first cup of coffee."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

'It may have been a mistake switching the coffee to decaffeinated.'

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

Sign reads: No lingering over a good cup of coffee.

"She has perfected her micro-nap to look as though she is thinking."

'This decaf's lousy.'

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

'Single or double?'

'I'll just grab a coffee...'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"Hey! Hey! Don't give ME attitude. I specifically asked for DECAF!"