Decaf Appreciation Gifts

'This decaf's lousy.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Today's special... donuts.

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Hats and Food

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

Grandma's caf

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

Coffee Menu

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

The American Tearoom, Moscow

Coffee

Swallows returning to Cappuccino.

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

What's the insect de jour?