Deal-making Dilettante Gifts

Denial as a form of corporate negotiation.

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

"...I try to communicate with Desmond, but all he ever does is grunt."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'I propose a cooling off period of 100 years?'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'Should I buy or sell?'

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

"You know who's a big pain in the a*s? Europe."