Deal-making Dilettante T-Shirts

Denial as a form of corporate negotiation.

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

"...I try to communicate with Desmond, but all he ever does is grunt."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'I propose a cooling off period of 100 years?'

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

'Should I buy or sell?'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

"You know who's a big pain in the a*s? Europe."

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."