Deadpan Enthusiast Gifts

'My aide has a great sense of humor, but you'd never guess it from his bed pan delivery.'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

Buster Keaton

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Pull my finger! Zombie Humor.

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

The End is Nigh

'I foresee an and to our global troubles ... The world will end tomorrow.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

"She gets her musical ability from me."

Fortune teller sees impending doom

The world of medicine as we know it, will end soon.

The History of Anti-stick

"Don't just sit there. Build a boat!"

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

'Hey man that's a gas!'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"It's cooties."

'If it wasn't for their great pension scheme I'd have packed this in years ago.'

'V. K. Duvine and Prodigal Son (if he comes back)

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

Don't Worry, Buddy I've Got Your Back!

"Mom!!"

Beaten up man to Good Samaritan: 'Thank you. My insurance doesn't cover roadside service.'

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

Therapists to watch out for: 'How long have you had this unnatural fear of wolves?'

Man with "end is near" sign is gone.

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."