Deadpan Humor Fan Gifts

Deadpan Delivery.

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

Night of the Zombonies.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"I just love take-out."

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

Couple look out of a window shaped like a television screen.

"That wasn't very funny!"

'Field Marshall chairman, if you don't mind.'

"Yep...Isn't she a beaut! And just one previous owner."

'He's not the likes of us, Bert - he says 'whoM' with an M.'

'If anyone calls, I've gone to look for Wally.'

'First past the post?'

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

'I guess everything tastes a little like chicken.'

Roland enjoyed going to the park and feeding the vultures.

Mechanic working on a hearse flees from falling skull

"Harumph. . !"

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Just a little bit off the top, please."

"Oh s**t, it’s ICE!"

"If anyone calls, marge, I'm sitting right by the phone."

BEWARE of man-eating palm tree.