Deadpan Humor Fan Gifts

Deadpan Delivery.

Buster Keaton

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

Night of the Zombonies.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"I just love take-out."

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

"Yep...Isn't she a beaut! And just one previous owner."

Your radio show this week was incredible. Buzz off. Who cares what you think? It was angry, vitriolic, sarcastic, mean-spirited, pessimistic. Do you mean that? You really were listening? I'm not giving a compliment. You're less horrifyingly objectionable than usual.

Couple look out of a window shaped like a television screen.

"That wasn't very funny!"

'Field Marshall chairman, if you don't mind.'

'He's not the likes of us, Bert - he says 'whoM' with an M.'

'If anyone calls, I've gone to look for Wally.'

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

'First past the post?'

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

Mechanic working on a hearse flees from falling skull

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Just a little bit off the top, please."

Go on! It'll be funny!

'I guess everything tastes a little like chicken.'

Roland enjoyed going to the park and feeding the vultures.

"Harumph. . !"

"If anyone calls, marge, I'm sitting right by the phone."