Deadpan Enthusiast T-Shirts

'My aide has a great sense of humor, but you'd never guess it from his bed pan delivery.'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

The End is Nigh

'I foresee an and to our global troubles ... The world will end tomorrow.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

"She gets her musical ability from me."

The world of medicine as we know it, will end soon.

The History of Anti-stick

"Don't just sit there. Build a boat!"

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

Don't Worry, Buddy I've Got Your Back!

'V. K. Duvine and Prodigal Son (if he comes back)

'If it wasn't for their great pension scheme I'd have packed this in years ago.'

"Mom!!"

'Hey man that's a gas!'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"It's cooties."

Beaten up man to Good Samaritan: 'Thank you. My insurance doesn't cover roadside service.'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

Therapists to watch out for: 'How long have you had this unnatural fear of wolves?'

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

"Insolvency isn't the end of the world. That comes next year."

"That wasn't very funny!"

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."