Dating Struggles Gifts

Life is for the birds.

I've been on cheap dates before, but riding elevators and listening to the Muzak..

'Don't complain. I've been trying to meet a mindless robot.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"May I have this arythmic flail?"

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

So Close..

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Romance

Speed Dating for Turtles

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"When you say that love is in the air, you're referring to the smells from the food trucks, right?"

Right click for yes...

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'Cow in love'

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

Why we need poetry. . .

Carbon Dating.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."