Dating Service Advisor Pillows

'They couldn't exactly get me a date, but they offered me a job as a practice dummy.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Try Mediation

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"My computer just texted me."

Boyfriend of the Month.

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

Hollywood Breakup

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

The Stages of Wine

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

Complaints departement for men and women.

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'Hey...here's a hot prospect...likes catching frisbees, chasing squirrels, rolling in smelly stuff...'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'She barely gives the Chateau Haut Brion a chance to breath.'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'