Dating Service Advisor Gifts

'They couldn't exactly get me a date, but they offered me a job as a practice dummy.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Try Mediation

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"My computer just texted me."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Boyfriend of the Month.

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Hollywood Breakup

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

Complaints departement for men and women.

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

The Stages of Wine

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

'Hey...here's a hot prospect...likes catching frisbees, chasing squirrels, rolling in smelly stuff...'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"I THINK I've got an app for that!"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'She barely gives the Chateau Haut Brion a chance to breath.'

Preachers with far too much input