Dating Service Employee Gifts

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

'Hey...here's a hot prospect...likes catching frisbees, chasing squirrels, rolling in smelly stuff...'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"Women like funny men, but you can't go on a date dressed like that!"

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

You've discovered how elderly dudes can keep picking up chicks? I've amended Giacomo's Theorem, yes. The pickup number is now direction proportional to age in instances where charm is also directly proportional to age. Journals from Milan to Vegas are publishing my findings. Of course, there's one flaw in my theory. Hold that thought, I feel some gas coming on. It won't apply to most dudes.

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"That's the dating guru."

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"At least have the decency to send her a text to tell her you're not interested."

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'