Dating Agency Worker Gifts

'That 'perfect match' you set me up with last week, turned out to be my ex- wife!'

"I told the dating service I hated the bar scene. I suppose you did, too."

'I'm not supposed to say this, but I think you'd be better off with a cat.'

'Short, fat, balding, palid complexion...in one.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

'Do you scan them for viruses?'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

'Hey...here's a hot prospect...likes catching frisbees, chasing squirrels, rolling in smelly stuff...'

Early Sexting

'Hello, is that the employment agency? It's about the domestic you sent me.'

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

The Copywriter's Dilemma

Corporate Advertising Agency: WEEKLY SCAM MEETING

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'Another casualty of U.S. Rating agencies...'

"Of course the extra costs of the 'minimum wage' has had an impact upon our recruitment policies...we have to be a lot more selective!"

'How do you like your egg?'

'I won't rule out using sex as a weapon, but I do have a 'no first use' policy.'

'I'm the new chairman the temp agency sent over.'

'Employment agency: We have lots of jobs for robots, apps, drones.'

"I like your resume, Andy. It shows you're smart, a good worker and full of potassium!"

"You may 'have a thing for Earth women' Mr. Zing. But I'm afraid we don't have any on our files that express a similar interest in Venusian men."

Three cheers for advertising.

"My most recent position was under a house."

Psychic Dating Hotline

Carbon Dating Agency

EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'While my reserve unit was guarding the Iraqi border, an illegal alien took my job.'

"Actually I'm a waiter but things are pretty slow at the moment and I'm looking for something to fill in between jobs."

'I'll tell you a joke; I lied about the GSOH!'

"What sort of job are you after?" "I don't want a job. I want to be a consultant!"